The story continues

On Tuesday took shower which doesn't help much cuz its HOT and as soon as I step outside, I sweat, then went to congressional aide's office and gave her information concerning my disability claim. Will see what happens.

Wednesday went to DHS office to apply for medicaid and food stamps. Need to submit documents (Doctors report and bank statement.) to them within 10 days. Was given name at Truman college for a job, will need to follow up cuz it was from the supervisor at DHS.
After DHS went to SS office cuz I was told by the DHS case manager he couldn't find any record of my application. SS found it & said it was pending.

Thursday splurged and bought a Starbucks coffee plus 2 refills. Found some contacts on Craigslist and will follow up by phone. Showered at friends house so feel semi human.

Sleep last night was neither good or bad. Had interesting dream last night where friends left me behind in pursuit of greater things. They were working on huge murals that integrated old masters with new contemporary themes. In some cases stencil like. They were a blend of old and new, you could think of them like music sampling or blending of two separate distinct themes. A complex concept with a simple concept. Made me think of John Cage because of how he took plain sounds (which we consider noise) and merged them into compositions. He deconstructed music into sounds. The way painters simplified their work to over simplification IE "white on white". One can think of sounds as neutral neither good or bad, similar to other aspects of life. (no need to elaborate).
Perhaps reason for first part of dream is that it reiterated what I had said that day, that no one has stood by me through my life soooo it was reflected in my dream. Funny that in the dream, people were making cases for themselves as to why they were justified in their actions & that in reality they didn't leave or that I should have understood why they left. Couldn't convince me.

Still at a point where I want to be in my own space which was home but now its my car. Now whenever I'm away from my car I just want to be in it as if it is my home. The only thing is that I feel as if I'm in a fish bowl. Have been doing a lot of sitting ... either in my car or at Starbucks and when I walk around the park where I park my car, I sit on benches & its then (also other times) that I want to be in my car sitting. Even though I'm killing time sitting in my car its different than killing time when I walk or sit away from the car. Guess its that its not MY space. Wonder if the placement of the car will become or maybe already is a factor. Will the location of the car determine if it feels like my space? When at Starbucks I don't long for being in my own space, reason may be that the puter becomes MY space replacing my car or previously my apartment.