On August 23rd

On August 23rd I woke up and sat in my car for a while watching clean up. One person was collecting aluminum out of trash. The second person was picking up trash from the ground with a stick. As I watched I wondered if I could do what they were doing to survive. Seemed to be a way to exist and not live. What is the motivation to earn pennies just to exist in a single room where your neighbors act like fools. Would my choice be to die rather than to labor for existence. As I watched them, I saw the lake behind them and wondered how sound my thought of swimming into the lake til I drown was. Earlier in the summer when it was hot, I did walk in the water thinking it was to cold then. What is plan B? What other way should I go? Maybe just fall asleep on a freezing night to never awake. Ive kinna grown accustomed to my situation of where I sleep and where I spend my days. At times boring but dealing with it. Today is worse that others have been because I don't have any plans. Usually I have plans of what needs to be done or what I plan on doing. Most days my plans are enough but today they are not. Considering what to do with my things. When and how do I start giving things away or do I just let some strangers carry them away.