Birth or death?

Well, today was the last day I spent the night in my own apartment. Could no longer pay rent so moved as much as I could into storage unit. Did it all alone car load by car load. Have to edit my stuff so next move wont be such a pain. Think I will throw out everything that isn't black (fav color). Had given some thought to forfeiting everything in storage unit. That actually might be a necessity when the monthly payments onto my AMX card are maxed out. Who knows that might be freeing.

Idea Ive had was to sell car, then buy a motorbike and head to Florida for the winter but will then need to find medical care in that location. Might be able to survive there, till I turn 62 when I would get SS or who knows I might get SSD and everything would be solved.

Tonight will be my first night, sleeping in my car. Will need to find a safe place to park. Think it might be in Loyola Park Parking lot. Need to determine where to shower and just clean up AND shit & pee.
Might be able to sleep on boat but its further south than I like to drive cuz gas costs money. The other thing is that it may not be my boat anymore. Most of my current comfort zone is in northern part of Chicago.

Later today will need to edit car so I can comfortable live in it. Right now car is still loaded with last of moved items and storage is full so EDIT is the word.

Sitting in Starbucks writing this. Its the one in Andersonville where they have cushy seating, fireplace and plenty of traffic. Might be an area I would like to rent when I'm back on my feet.

Wouldn't it be funny if I end up being a blogger for the homeless? WOW what a work "homeless". Never thought I would be. Why did this happen? How did this happen? Wouldn't friends help? Ya as if. Anyway along the way those who might have been considered friends bailed. SO were they even friends?

At times Ive thought that I have a please fuck me written on my forehead cuz it seems that I'm an easy target. When at first people get to know me they always describe me as "a nice guy", guess that's how I can be described but am I to nice of a guy. A guy that is easily dismissed, thus easy to fuck over or just someone who's feelings aren't taken into consideration. Need to tell therapist this and see what he thinks. Happens time after time.